People are Talking About Politics in Therapy
I noticed something new in 2016, and I know I’m not the only one: people began needing to use outpatient mental health therapy to help manage stress related to politics. Ever since, in nearly all of our clients regardless of political orientation, therapists have watched the need for this grow. Now, when clients speak about politics, many are not just struggling, but actually presenting as victims of active abuse. While this is new here in the United States, therapists are by and large not surprised. We were worried when we observed classic gaslighting and large scale triangulation being used to achieve power and control leading up to the presidential election of Donald Trump. Through our ongoing task of assessment, these are behaviors that we are accustomed to recognizing and describing in our work. They blare at us. We have seen many politicians use these techniques, but never before quite like this.
Gaslighting is a type of psychological manipulation that encompasses many behaviors and techniques, all aimed at garnering power and control. Political gaslighting happens when a person or group uses dishonesty and manipulation of information to control groups of people. An example of this can be found in statements from the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy this week. Their news release on Tuesday lists the Trump administration’s science and technology achievements over the past four years and states, “Highlights include: ENDING THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC.” This, while the latest numbers from Johns Hopkins University on Sunday put the seven-day average of daily new cases at an all-time high of 68,767. This is just one example in what can be described as a consistent pattern of using gaslighting techniques to manipulate information and in turn, people. It culminates to produce a situation in which there is even somewhat of a consensus and acknowledgement among supporters of Donald Trump, that he uses gaslighting behavior, while in the next breath his supporters often offer excuses, false equivalencies, and ad hominem divergencies to assert their continued support of him. Gaslighting largely explains the phenomenon that Trump himself noted when he pointed out that many of his supporters would still support him, even if he shot someone in Times Square. Many leaders have a loyal following and many leaders use gaslighting to some extent, but this is different. One thing we know, is that this loyalty from Trump’s supporters is occurring in a context that includes gaslighting, the scope and scale of which we have never observed before.
Triangulation in psychology is a form of gaslighting when a person uses manipulative tactics to control a 3-person social situation for their own benefit. We are seeing an extreme form of this used now in politics, exploiting our 2-party system and causing us to become more and more polarized. It’s why some of you reading this are already feeling strong negative feelings and some of you are feeling the opposite. Triangulation, especially when used by someone who demonstrates high levels of narcissism, can be insidious, extremely effective, and highly dangerous. We are truly being divided and conquered.
It’s feeling angry, defensive, even rageful as you read this, while others are feeling comforted, validated, maybe even a temporary sense of calm, with little to no in between that illustrates our triangulation; one thing that maybe we can all actually agree on. It is unlikely that you are experiencing neutral emotions while I explain these basic terms and apply them to current widespread, observable dynamics. Back in 1999, however, in my undergrad Psych. 100 class, I’m pretty sure almost everyone felt neutral learning about these terms. Maybe a little hung over, but neutral. Ah, the good old days.
I went on to learn first hand, over the course of the past 20 years, that a therapist generally has much professional experience with people who use gaslighting and triangulation. They are rarely our clients, but more commonly the romantic partner, friend, or family member of our client. Sometimes we see these behaviors used by a person in couples counseling. Therapists working in the field of domestic violence see these behaviors in high frequency. In all cases, we understand that these behaviors point to the perpetrator’s deeply damaged sense of self, one that they hide by compensating in ways that function to achieve power and control, and put the mental, emotional, and often physical health of others at risk. This presents perhaps the most complicated lot of problems that we encounter. These are the cases we talk about with our supervisor or on which we seek out consultation with colleagues. These are the ones we struggle not to take home. And here we are.
We are in a place where it is accepted that the United States government has removed the children, even 4-month-old babies, from their amnesty seeking human being parents at our border. It has been accepted that when a group of White nationalist militia men plotted to kidnap a state governor, our president subsequently encouraged and participated in a chant to “lock her up” at one of his rallies. It has been accepted that the current administration has attacked and undermined even the postal system and months before the election, the president openly stated that he will contest an election loss. It has been accepted that this president has openly talked about finding a way to serve longer than 2 terms. It is manipulation of information, that results in a situation in which those on one side of the triangle will see this list of facts as fake, biased, and “mainstream media spin”, while it is possible to easily define these items as facts by on record, objectively observable statements and actions. This narrative of “fake news media” leverages the real problems presented by the media in an inauthentic way, in order to manipulate information and consequently people, on a scale never before seen in the United States. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but if asked before 2016, people on both sides of the triangle would have been equally horrified at even the suggestion of these occurrences.
We are being asked instead, to consider the promise of economic growth, the fight to make America great again, the wild promise to even right all the wrongs that have come before. Vacillating between idealizing and devaluing others is another hallmark of narcissistic abuse and just one of many classic gaslighting techniques that we see the President use time and time again. This behavior functions to make our heads spin. It’s crazy making. In one breath Donald Trump claims to be the least racist person ever, who has done the most of any president, maybe even Abraham Lincoln, for Black people, and on a different day he is ordering the assault and violating the constitutional rights of peaceful protesters protesting racial injustice… in order to stage a photo-op. Some of us know that it isn’t about the photo-op. It’s an exercise in idealizing, then devaluing in order to expand power. A political stunt? This too. But for sure, a question asked and answered. All of these tests, we have failed so far. The failure of these tests has called into question the therapist’s Goldwater Rule and pulled at our legal duty to protect and to warn. It’s uncharted, dangerous territory.
But what we cannot deny is that anyone can give a thoughtful description of a person’s behavior. A therapist who has worked with victims of narcissistic abuse also knows that we can help victims learn to use particular tools to break out of triangulation. The most useful, first tool is to develop insight and the second is to communicate that insight effectively. This means presenting victims of triangulation with evidence that the abuser is in fact abusive. Done well, but usually painstakingly, the breakup of the triangle will follow.
Right now, as a country, this is the hard work set before us. We have to spend some time in this difficult place. I’ve touched on only a few examples of Donald Trump and his surrogates’ gaslighting behavior, from my perspective as a therapist. It’s worth noting that we therapists are trained to be objective, unbiased, to detect deception, to understand from a non-judgmental standpoint all of the dynamics that I am discussing today, to give people important information that they may not already have, and when appropriate, to confront people with our unbiased and objective observations. Many therapists, psychologists, doctors, renown leaders in our field, even the New England Journal of Medicine have been working hard on this. Of course, professionals in the field of mental health are susceptible to gaslighting and manipulation too, but a therapist has been professionally educated and trained and works on an ongoing basis to hone the skills that work against this. It is actually our job not to fall into these traps and to help others avoid them… and get out of them too.
Conflict is a part of this process and while uncomfortable at times, it can actually be welcomed as opportunity for growth. But in order to grow, we have to pull in the other leg of this triangle. Those who use defense mechanisms like denial, avoidance, even resistance, to put up some level of boundary with this triangle, are ultimately still a part of it, too. Some of us, and hopefully most therapists recognize that those on the side of unwittingly helping the abuser are not necessarily better or worse as people, than the people on the other side. Maybe it takes even more courage to see yourself in that role, develop insight, and do the right thing. One thing is certain: we are all currently caught in this triangle together.
We are snowflakes and we are baseball sized hail, but there are seeds in the ground that are desperate for some sun. There are weeds like narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, and triangulation that are choking out the beauty beneath… but we can clean it up. We still have time. We can start now, or wait, but it only gets uglier and messier the longer we do so. Victimhood is in no way attractive, but we can step out of the role of victim by learning and growing, even still. We have found that we need to become media literate, learn about gaslighting, triangulation, and narcissistic abuse, and to address systemic problems that have always been here.
It is true that weeds will always come up, it’s the nature of life… but why not get better at what we cultivate? The weeding is hard, but we have only beauty to gain. It’s not a linear process and it’s one that will no doubt take longer than November 3rd, but on that day we have an opportunity to speed things up by taking decisive action and voting ourselves partially out of this triangle. It’s a step that if taken, sets us further on a path to coming back together and starting to heal.
It is relatively new and so telling, that people in the United States of America need to talk about politics in therapy, but the work of the therapist is not new. We have worked with active abuse before, with both victims and perpetrators, with the traumatized, with refugees who’s governments have collapsed, with parents who have lost their children. Our task is always to actually work ourselves out of a job. It is new that we have an ethical duty to warn others about the dangerous behavior of our president and to offer an assessment of its impact. Our votes have never been more important.
Alisa Reed, LCSW-R
Updated on 10/28/2020
