It’s January- that time of year when after a few snow storms cooped up inside, I can confidently say that I have the cleanest house ever… and borderline SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Really, though. Yesterday I noticed it creeping up on me. I recognized the urge to withdraw, realized that I’ve felt a little irritable lately, that I’ve been having trouble sleeping… that I’ve eaten some form of pasta for the third day in a row. Thankfully, I know what I need to do to fight it off… to keep it at bay.

I was thinking about this yesterday while drinking my 2nd cup of cold coffee and compulsively scrolling Twitter. Suddenly, I heard someone quoting Plato. I looked up from my phone. From the set of the Today Show, Hoda Kotb looked back. She lamented:

“Life must be lived as play”.

Those genius Today Show producers! They know it’s January!

A few years ago I had a conversation with one of my psychotherapy clients. This person had been struggling with severe symptoms of depression. Did you know that it’s possible (though uncommon) to get so depressed that you experience hallucinations? Yep! Not good.

My client had been profoundly depressed and over the course of about 6 months, had made a truly inspiring recovery. I asked them: what advice would you give to someone else who is struggling?

The person thought for a beat, then looked me straight in the eye. With a little shrug and a shake of the head they replied, incredulous:

“Decide to have fun”.

There are many reasons why I won’t forget that moment. I’d heard other clients say similar things in the past, but with all the complicated and challenging work that we had done in therapy, this particular person scooped me with that.

Ah… I responded nodding (cliché minimal encourager if there ever was one). Then laughing, both of us together.

…

I used to work with a psychiatrist- a small, older, Italian man who drove a Porsche. Sometimes I would sit with my clients when they met with him. He said almost nothing, but there was one thing that he talked about nearly every session: fun. Whether the patient was struggling with schizophrenia or struggling to manage life stress, he would ask, in broken English:

“You have girlfriend? No? Why not? You need girlfriend… you need have fun!”

Side-note: he also dictated his notes with Dragon. How that worked is beyond me… I swear, the man was magical.

Sometimes, the patient would be too depressed to even answer. He’d turn to me:

“What you think, Lisa? He need have fun?”

Ok treatment plan, ok motivational interviewing, ok STBT, ok CBT, ok DBT, ok meds. But my answer was always to say my client’s name, make eye contact with them, sometimes touch their arm, and with a confident, genuine smile reply:

Yes… absolutely.

But what about the evidence?

While not a panacea, research consistently shows that for most people cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is currently the best evidence supported treatment for depression. CBT is all about developing a deep understanding of and ability to affect, the relationship between one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

In participating in CBT, there are many little tricks that therapists may teach clients to use in order to change the way they feel. One such simple trick (perhaps reductive, but surprisingly effective) is to notice that feelings are caused (to some degree) by one’s thoughts and behaviors. If one wants to feel the opposite of the way one feels, for example to have fun as opposed to feeling depressed, one needs only to do the opposite and think the opposite of what is leading to their depressive feelings. It can be thought of like an equation:

THOUGHT X (BEHAVIOR Y) = FEELING Z

Try instead:

-(THOUGHT X)(-(BEHAVIOR Y)) = -(FEELING Z)

Here’s an example:

“I don’t want to go to yoga” (watch KUWTK while on phone and eating smokehouse almonds, holding teether for baby with other hand) = chill, then depressed AF

Alternately

“Just do it, Nike yeeeah” (go to yoga) = peaceful/fullfilled

This being said…

The equation may not always work out. It may not always be possible or even helpful, to “decide to have fun” when you are struggling with symptoms of depression, other mental illness, and/or grief and loss. Contrary to most of our cultural messages about feelings, sometimes there are very real, difficult feelings that it makes good sense for one to spend time actually feeling and then working through. And at the same time, too much fun is not fun!

But try it and see what happens! Whatever your path to healing/growth looks like- long or short, winding or straight, 2 weeks of built up ice slippery, mud season in Maine (spring) mucky: play hard when you can. In this crazy world we live in, go to yoga (or lock yourself in the bathroom and smile at yourself in the mirror till you laugh! I’m serious- another CBT trick), have some crazy fun!

…

So, I flicked off the TV and got my January pale self in the shower. I went to pick up my 4-year-old from pre-school. When we got in the car I asked her what she did today at recess. “Mumma, I ate soooo much snow and played bad guys!” she told me- like it was the best time she’d ever had. Ah bad guys… part of her answer to this question every.  single.  day.  for the past year and a half. I chuckled to myself and replied, “Wow, that sounds like fun!”

-Alisa Reed, LCSW-R